Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I color on your dick again?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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