She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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