no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
