bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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