u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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