She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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