Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
