Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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