oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
