Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
