dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
