I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
