I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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