No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
