69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
love makes seman taste better
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
