i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
