never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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