I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
