We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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