I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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