I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
