shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
