You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
