It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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