Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
