Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
