its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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