I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
