last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
