Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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