Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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