I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
