ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
