Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
