areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
