Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
