they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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