Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
