she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
