so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
