call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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