He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
