First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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