from now on my penis is your penis
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
