I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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