Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
