Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
