I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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