remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
