Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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