Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
